3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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