sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
