So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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