My liver just broke up with me...
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
