I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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