So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
