Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
