just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
