I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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