Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
