Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
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