I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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