Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
