Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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