I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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