even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize