so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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