She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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