Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
