Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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