Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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