Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You are the jesus of drinking
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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