im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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