If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize