i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
