R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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