return my video game
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
