Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
