Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
