Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
