her vagine was all disorganized.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
