i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
