wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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