Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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