he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
