the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
