I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Randomize
