he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize