guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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