i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
