My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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