If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize