i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
