Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
