i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize