I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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