I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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