Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
