"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
