sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
