Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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