Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(214): View more from Texas

I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band

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(631): View more from New York

If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.

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(936): View more from Texas

Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.

(1-936): View more from Texas

Can I eat your pillow?

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(509): View more from Washington

I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.

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(778): View more from British Columbia

Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in

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(503): View more from Oregon

Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.

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(317): View more from Indiana

just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing

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(815): View more from Illinois

And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily

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(917): View more from New York City

I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?

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