All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
