woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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