The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
