are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
that's an acceptable place to lick
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
