U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
