Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
