On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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