we have officially lost it.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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