I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize