This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
