Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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