as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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