I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
