i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
