I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize