After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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